Hiei's Journal
by Kittona
Summary: What would Hiei's childhood have been like if he'd been raised by humans? -AU, OOC, Crack-
1. The Beginning

Lovely readers, it is I, Kittona! I live! And I'm finally giving this story a MUCH needed re-write. It's still VERY AU, still short, still silly, still a bit OOC (though I think less so than it was) but it's far less painful to read. I did originally write it like 15 years ago, so one would hope I've improved (college writing classes FTW!)

Anywho, I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho and hope you all enjoy the story!

* * *

Hn. I'm Hiei. My mom got me this dumb journal for my 8th birthday. Something about 'isn't it adorable? I found matching ones for you and your sister!' They have BUNNIES on them, for crying out loud! Made me want to burn it really, but Yukina was hugging hers and telling mom how wonderful it was…so here I am, ready to make an idiot of myself.

HIEI'S JOURNAL. KEEP OUT OR DIE.

* * *

July 8

Today was obnoxious… I ran into this girl. Well, I ran into her ball. With my katana. For some reason she started balling like a freaking baby. It was just a ball, sheesh. But, whatever. So I dragged her to the toy store and waved my katana around a bit until the 'nice' lady at the cash register handed over a new ball. We were about to leave and my MOM of all people shows up all mad and stuff. Really?! I was trying to do something nice. That's what she's always telling me to do. Ugh, could she just make up her mind for once? She pays for the ball and tells me 'it's coming out of your next allowance young man!' Hn. We took the girl home and then mom proceeded to spend the next HOUR lecturing me about 'proper behavior'.

* * *

July 9

Today was so boring. After a morning of watching dumb baby shows with Yukina (she loves that Barney crap with all the singing and hugging), I figured anything else was better and took a walk. There was some weird guy in a paper hat (because who wouldn't want a hat that's going to be destroyed as soon as it rains? Insert eyeroll here) giving kids something that looked like snow on a cone. A little boy was asking his mom to buy him some of this 'sweet snow' as he called it. As the weirdo with the paper hat handed it over I snagged it and was up in a tree before anyone realized it was gone. Don't wanna brag or anything, but I am FAST. And the sweet snow stuff was pretty amazing, not gonna lie.

* * *

August 20

Whoever invented clothes shopping needs to die. Slowly and painfully. Who in their right mind needs 50 kinds of socks to choose from? But…Yukina had fun, so I guess there's that at least. After the 15th brightly colored outfit mom made me try on, me made a deal. I'd consent to getting something that wasn't black as long as it had a bad ass Charizard on it. Mom agreed after telling me that I'd be grounded 'til Junior High if I ever said bad ass again. So touchy. I know I've heard dad say it before.

* * *

That's all for now, but the faster I get reviews, the faster i'll update ;)


	2. School Dayz

Here's the second chappie! Special thanks to preetidinanath2000 for the review; you're the best!

* * *

September 1

So, first day of school. Yay. (note sarcasm here) Like I don't have better things to do than sit in a room full of idiots picking their noses while some lady rambles on about things I really couldn't give a crap about. Yukina gave me her puppy dog eyes though…so to school it was. I just can't say no to her.

First thing the teacher made us introduce ourselves. Ugh. We had to say our names and our favorite thing. What, does she think we're 5? The first idiot to go stands up and says "I'm Kazuma and I like kitties!" I snickered quietly at that. Kitties? You couldn't much less manly if you tried. The next boy, Shuichi liked roses but the flash of silver as he narrowed his green eyes at the class dared us to say anything. I did not snicker. Roses can totally be manly, and no, I am definitely NOT intimidated.

A black haired boy, Yusuke, liked video games (typical), and the brown haired girl next to him introduced herself right after, "I'm Keiko and I like Yusuke." Well, she certainly wasn't going to wait for him to make the first move. I snorted as Yusuke turned bright red and yelped "Keiko!" Yukina mentioned feeding birds as her favorite thing and I, glaring at that orange haired idiot, Kazuma, who was daring to smile at my sister, stated that I like swords and I DO NOT like people messing with my sister. We'll see if he gets the memo.

* * *

September 2

Show and tell. As a follow up to the stupid get to know you thing we did yesterday, today we were supposed to bring our favorite thing. Things didn't seem to end up going quite how the teacher hoped, but I thought it was pretty amusing. Idiot orange hair went first. His sister brought his dumb cat in. Yusuke said something about how she'd make good target practice and I grinned. Maybe he isn't too bad after all. The two of us started snickering when Kazuma glared at us and snuggled the cat up to his chest protectively. That's right. Snuggled. In public. What an idiot.

Yusuke had brought in his Xbox so while the others showed their stuff, I watched him with interest. Mom and dad won't let us have video games, and this kid had Halo! The teacher looked a bit uncomfortable when she finally realized what he'd put on. Something about 'school rules' and 'inappropriate content'. Pansy.

As ridiculous as this show and tell concept is, I made sure that mine would be the best. I brought my katana. Of course. For some reason, when I unsheathed it the teacher looked a bit woozy and when I demonstrated its edge to a scoffing Kazuma by slicing through his desk, she screamed. I guess no one's ever taught her how to appreciate fine weaponry. The look on Kazuma's face as the two halves of his desk hit the ground was priceless, and definitely worth the trip to the office that followed. I was significantly less enthused when the principal informed me that he would be keeping my sword until my parents could come to collect it and that I would have detention for the rest of the year. Does no one in this school appreciate a good sword? Honestly.

* * *

September 29

Today I fell asleep in class. Rest assured, I will NEVER fall asleep in an unsecured location again. It was just so warm and I'd been up all night reading my new batman comic (mom thought I was asleep, but I'm far sneakier than she is). I woke up when the bell rang and heard giggling. I swept my best glare around the room and the giggling trailed off. I couldn't figure out what would be so funny. Maybe the idiot had taped a sign to my back or something. I'd seen him do to other kids. But no, nothing on the back of my shirt, so I shrugged and went out to recess with everyone else. All recess people were giving me weird looks, so I finally asked Yukina what everyone's problem was and with a smile (a smile!) she told me to go look in the mirror… My hair was sticking up. Apparently the idiot had painted it with rubber cement while I slept. There will definitely be revenge for this, as soon as mom figures out how to get it back to normal.

* * *

That's all for now. Hope you enjoyed and please review! ~Kittona


End file.
